April 6th 2025

I’m sitting at my house in Niagara Falls, Ontario. The slight panic is setting in. I can’t help but feeling like I’ve not committed enough focus to one particular area of my life and that I am spread too thin.

I have a short-term rental business that I started in a house I bought when the world shut down.

I’ve been trying to run that business, as well as create content and continue to improve my craft, whether it’s keeping on top of social media platform updates, or developing my skill as a writer, magician, or as was the case a few hours ago, handyman?

I’m building this website and adding content to it, battling the feeling of having way too diluted a focus right now and potentially confusing potential visitors here. I want to respect my audience, I want to respect your time and your attention.

A few hours ago, my hands covered in leaking toilet water, and my mind racing to see where this will all take me, I said these words to my partner Maria:

”I think it’s time to kill my personal brand. Who the hell cares about Alex Kazam. I can’t seem to get anything right. I think it’s okay to admit that this ship has sailed. I’ll just focus on the house with you, and I’ll forget about being an entertainer. I’ll forget about helping others with my big ideas. What have my big ideas ever done for me? What’s the point of any of this? I’m running so hard, only to stand still. I’m out.”

My partner gave me the most loving of eyes, she took a deep breath, smirked a little and said: “What’s the point of any of this if you can’t do what you want?”

I said, “But sometimes being an adult means doing what we must, instead of what we want.”

“It’s people like you, people who are magnetic, who entertain, who leave people with a memory that make living on this planet bearable for others. Otherwise, we’d all just be a bunch of robots, clicking through on our carts in Amazon. You must strive on,” she said.

Fuck your mood. Follow the plan.